We were asked to share our adoption story with our local FSA group (Families Supporting Adoption), I’m grateful for the opportunity because it got me to sit down and put it on paper. Of course as all adoption stories go there is too much to tell to ever have the “whole” story written down but we hope we can share the parts we feel are most important and closest to our hearts.
We would like to start by first sharing a little about our background. When I was in high school I always knew I wanted to get married right away and start having kids right off. I wanted 5 kids and I wanted them before I was 30. I got married right after high school, just as I had planned but was unable to get pregnant. I really didn’t think much about it until we had been trying for about 2 years. I started getting a little nervous after that because Kevin (my first husband) had a son before we had met so I was sure the problem was with me. Then shortly after deciding to see a doctor Kevin passed away. As most of you know that was a very difficult time for me and at times I never thought I’d make it through it, but that is a different story for another time.
Eventually I gave in to my friends’ persistence and went on several blind dates. All of which led me to Zach. After a very short dating period Zach and I were married in the Logan LDS temple May of 2005. Marrying Zach gave such new hope, Zach made me feel happy again and excited for what the future might hold. We both knew we wanted to have a family and because of my previous experience we decided to start trying right away. After about a year of trying with no luck we decided to see a doctor.
Well to all of you other couples who have got to experience fertility tests and treatments, I ‘m sure you know what I mean when I say it’s an emotional rollercoaster, not to mention some tests and treatments are painful. For the first two years of fertility pills and shots our doctors kept telling us we both had minor problems but nothing that should be keeping us from conceiving. To us this was more frustrating; we just wanted them to figure it out so we could know which direction to go from there. I felt I couldn’t handle all of the “maybe this month” or “I know I’m pregnant this time” or “this time the treatments worked I just know it,” just to be utterly disappointed each month. I remember one month being 3 weeks late and being so excited then the day I decided to take the pregnancy test I passed something. That was a major low for us, I cried all day that day and that’s when we decided to consider adoption. After that adoption was in a lot of our discussions; Kevin had placed his son through LDS and had a very positive experience. We were both very open to adoption just scared of the unknown. We went to LDS Family services to get all of the paper work in January of 2008 and attended the orientation meeting. We hadn’t started filling out any paper work yet but were planning on attending the classes that March.
However, while discussing adoption with my family my niece, whose mother passed away prior, expressed her concerns that if we adopted then what would happen to her if her Dad passed away. We wouldn’t want her and her siblings anymore if we had our own kids. This brought me to a roaring halt. Zach still wanted to just get the paperwork in and was confident that it would all work out. I however, couldn’t bear to cause more concern or heart ache in my 9 year old niece’s life. Don’t get me wrong the whole time I longed for a baby more then anything and cried many nights over it. As many have felt, I felt such a hole in my heart, such a longing for that missing spirit I knew God would some day give us. However, I also felt that God would want me to help the children already in my life deal with their trials first before proceeding with our adoption. That summer was very difficult for me. I tried spending as much time as possible with my both of my brother’s children to keep my mind off of the lack of a child in my own home. It brought me such happiness to spend time with them.
In August of 2008, as selfish as it sounds. I hit a major low when both of my brothers confessed to me they were both dating people very seriously. I started to panic, thinking now I will have no kids in my life, I can’t do this. But then the answer to my desperate prayers, that same niece that had expressed her concerns before came up to me one day and said “I think you guys should adopt, you need a baby, and it’s going to be so cute!” The second the conversation was over I called Zach. We both felt strongly that it was time for us to start filling out our paperwork.
We were very fortunate to get our paperwork and home study done quickly and were approved by the end of September. We really enjoyed the classes and enjoyed getting to meet and know other adoptive couples. We didn’t really start getting anxious again until January when I had some more tests done and our doctor told us that our chances of getting pregnant were now next to impossible due to some medical issues I have. It was good to finally know and move on but it was still hard news to hear, just the news in general but especially the fertility side of it. This made us realize that now the only way we would have a family is if someone else chose us to raise their child. It was such an emotional thing for us, feeling like our entire future now rested in someone else’s hands, someone else we most likely didn’t even know yet. Now someone else might pick us based on our looks or based on our likes or dislikes. I stressed that our collage wasn’t good enough or that our letters didn’t say enough. In February we received a cc e-mail from a girl in the UK who wanted to pick us but was asking if it was even possible where she was from the UK. Zach’s brother Skylar was on his mission in England and he had told the girl about us. This sent me through the roof with excitement but then as the UK law would have, it no one can adopt a baby from the UK that is not a UK citizen. We felt very disappointed and worried that maybe we were supposed to find some way to work this particular adoption out. Then a week later we received another e-mail. This one was from a birth-mother and it was saying how much she loved us and couldn’t wait to meet us and all about her, then at the end of the letter it had a different couples names. We had received another couple’s e-mail by accident. That’s when I started really struggling. I felt that so many crappy things had hit us with in a 3 week period. I felt worried we would never be picked and that never having a baby was just another one of our life trials.
Then Jared (our casework) called us about he first or second week of March and told us that a birthmother had came in and really liked us and would be e-mailing us with in a day or two so keep checking. After a week of nothing we called Jared to see if she had chosen another couple. He said no that we were pretty much the only one she wanted and he was surprised too. This made me feel even worse because then I started playing games with myself. I decided she didn’t choose us because we didn’t look right or because we didn’t have good enough interests. Once again I was very discouraged.
Let me add right here that my poor family and friends got text and phone calls every time one of these things happened. One saying “we got contacted, I’m so excited” Just too then send them one saying “never mind.” Like I said I was very discouraged.
Just about this time I had a friend (Shancy, I owe you one : ) tell me about a book her sister had read by one of the General Authorities about how families can create their own miracles. Zach and I decided to try it for ourselves the next week on March 18th. We asked all of our family to start our fast with a prayer at the same time. We then asked who ever could go with us to attend the temple with us. Those of us who could go ended our fast in prayer together and we had those who were unable to attend end their fast at about the same time. It was such a wonderful experience, we had fasted for the same thing together but there was something about starting and ending it all at the same time no matter where you were. It was so powerful to know that while we were in Idaho Falls praying our family was somewhere doing the same thing. We felt the spirit so strong that night and knew that it would all work out.
March 26th, 2009, we got a call from Jared at 4:30 telling us we needed to be to their office by a quarter to. I laughed and then realized he was serious. He said that the birthmother he had called us about before had written us a letter. I was so excited I had to call someone so I tried my parents – no answer, I tired Heather – no answer I tried Wendy- no answer, you’ve got to be kidding me. So I tired Tory – who answered! I was so excited, talking a hundred miles an hour he probably didn’t have a clue what I had said. When we got to family services the caseworkers both Andrew and Jared sat us down, they then handed Zach a letter from the birthmother and had him read it out loud. I felt like I was on the verge of tears the whole time. After Zach was done Andrew asked us how we felt and I started crying. I was so overwhelmed with emotion; I felt like all of my prayers for the last 9 years had finally been answered, this girl was my answer. I was so happy for Zach and I but then my heart broke for this girl that poured her heart into this letter and whose heart ache was bringing us happiness.
April 6, 2009 we got to meet Spencer and Keri, face to face, up until then we had only had contact through letters. We were so nervous, we felt like our fate was entirely in someone else’s hands. We felt such love already for Keri, she poured her heart out into her letters and though we tried we couldn’t imagine the emotions and heart ache she must have felt. But on our side, now that having a baby felt so with in reach, I found myself sick with fear. I worried that they would change their mind. I was so emotional, on the verge of tears every moment. It might sound cheesy but I would go in the baby’s room and sit in the rocker, closing my eyes and trying to imagine holding her and what we would call her. I couldn’t explain how badly I wanted this little girl to be mine but yet part of me tried to keep its distance. We were so nervous, we felt like so much rode on this one meeting, this one introduction to someone we would other wise probably never meet.
We were so nervous but once they walked in it all melted away. The connection was almost instant. They were both so open and honest; we all had so much in common. Sometimes we almost forgot there were caseworkers in the room. It was so weird because we were able to express the most personal emotions with them and them with us and we had only just met.
We kept in contact through letters up until Aril 15 at 7 p.m. when Keri went into labor. We were very blessed to be given the opportunity to go up to the hospital. We waited in the waiting room during the c-section until Spencer brought Kabree to us, so that we could go up to the nursery with her. It was such a spiritual feeling words could never express the emotions we had that night. We bonded even more with our birthparents and were able to be apart of our beautiful little girls first moments of life. Words could never express how amazing it was to be in a room that night with the two most unselfish people we know and to take turns holding our little girl. We were very fortunate to be able to go to the hospital everyday to visit Keri and Kabree. We were even able to meet Keri’s Mom, younger brother and Grandparents. Also, we were able to meet their little girl Paedyn, Kabree’s sister. We were very grateful to get to know Keri even more and to gain an even closer bond with her.
Placement was again such an emotional but amazing time. It was emotional because we all shared our feeling with each other and because our birthparents had to officially hand Kabree to us. Our hearts broke for them and their sacrifice but we were also very excited to officially have Kabree in our arms. That night was everything we had hoped for, we just wanted to cuddle and stare at her all night long and we pretty much did for the next 4 days. It was so amazing to us how we instantly felt that she was ours and that it was all so meant to be.
After we placed we realized that openness wasn’t nearly as scary as we had once thought and that they weren’t just some random people, they were our friends, part of our family. They have given us the most amazing opportunity and given us such joy that we truly do feel no other two people could have given us. They are two of the most amazing most unselfish people we have ever met. They did something that was so hard for them and caused them such heart ache, but they did it all because they loved their baby so much they wanted her to have more then they could give her right now. Until we were placed with Kabree we never truly understood the slogan “it’s about love.” I think most people don’t truly appreciate the sacrifice that the birthparents go through because of their love. We feel so fortunate to be blessed with such great birthparents that have expressed to us how they are glad they could give us such happiness and help us make our family. They too have expressed how they feel it was all meant to be and there really are no words to describe why or how it feels that way.
Adoption has blessed our lives more then we ever could have imagined. Kabree has brought us such joy, we truly do feel that Kabree was always meant to be with us and that God blessed us with Spencer and Keri to be our way. We are excited to be finalized and to be sealed as a family. Someday we might decide to adopt again but for now we feel that our hearts are full and our family is just as it should be. Again adoption has blessed us in so many ways, it has given us the opportunity to be a family and experience the joys of parenthood. It has introduced us to so many new people and new experiences. We have learned so much more about adoption and realized that it helps all involved and blesses everyone. We also feel we have gained life long friends through our birthparents and love the special bond that we all share.
