Kooper's Baptism

Kooper and Larin

Kooper with his Dad and Grandpa Vance

Kooper with his Dad and Grandpa Denver

Our nephew Kooper got baptized this weekend, Kooper is such a cute, sweet kid you can't help but smile when ever you are around him. He is such a hard worker, he helps his Dad with the cows and horses all the time and there's no other place he would rather be then working with his Dad on the farm. He has got a grin that melts your heart and the most optimistic attitude I've ever seen. We love this guy so much and are so proud of him. He was lucky enough to be able to have lots and lots of family come and show their support, but by the time we brought the camera out everybody was kind of done with pictures : ) (Larin and Jessica's kids have had lots and lots of pictures this year to say the least, between family pics on 3 sides and 3 different family weddings not to mention their own family pics and wedding).

I will post about the family Halloween party tomorrow today is just about Kooper!

6 Months

Wow the last 6 months have flown by as usual. Kabree has grown so much I can't even believe it. She weighs 14lbs 9oz now and is 24 1/2 inches long. Bath time is still one of her favorite things and she still loves to talk and smile in the mornings. She has started sitting up on her own just this last week and has started eating rice baby cereal. She rolls around like crazy getting to where she wants to be and she loves playing with her toys. She gets more and more personality everyday and it's so much fun! We are so grateful to have Kabree in our home, she makes us so happy!

Eating/Hunting/Couponing/Adoption

As you can see from the title we have a lot to catch up on:

After much persistence from my parents we finally fed Kabree rice baby cereal for the first time a couple weeks ago, well my Mom did. Which of coarse means the pics are on her camera at her house : (. She was so excited right up until Grandma put the food in her mouth and the excitement turned to disgust, she does not care for baby cereal. I do now try to feed it to her a couple times a day but she gets more excited over the spoon and bowl then over the cereal it's self. Hopefully veggies and fruit go over better.

My parents are finally done with harvest which means Zach and I might actually go a week without going out there. Don't get me wrong I love visiting my parents and love that Zach doesn't mind helping out, it just gets crazy taking a baby overnight so much. Zach got his deer opening day again this year. Which makes me vary happy, I'm looking forward to making my Grandpa's salami now : ), plus I love a good deer roast. Now, lets cross our fingers he gets an Elk too, I'll be honest I only remember having it once and t

hat's when our friends Austin and Rachel cooked it, and it was way yummy.

$21.24

FYI the cat food is $4.74 a bag at Wal-Mart

$19.74

I forgot to put the bottle of mouthwash

and 3 boxes of Puffs tissues in the pic

I've been couponing the last month, thanks to my sis in-laws Gina and Wendy for teaching me and sharing pointers and tips every week. Wow, I'm so addicted! However, I do think this is one addiction that might be ok, my food storage is growing leaps and bounds in a matter of weeks and I'm spending next to nothing. For example I got 8 Snuggle fabric softeners for free, thanks to Wendy's help. For those who know me well, I can do nothing alone so of coarse I'm forcing Heather to do it as well. Her kids are loving it cause now she buys them granola bars and fruit snacks, who wouldn't buy their kids treats when it's $.50 a box. I must admit Walgreen's is my mountain, with their crazy confusing coupon rules and register rewards but so far I've still saved a ton there but my goal is to master that store : )!

One last note to share I have often visited the R House blog but man last week I was browsing through some old posts and came a cross the post A New Dream and wow to anyone who has ever been faced with infertility issues or for anyone who knows someone who has that post really hits home. I think people often don't understand situations that they have never experienced, we are all guilty of that at some point or another. It's so crazy I came across that post but it's exactly what I needed that day. I love Kabree more then anything but being a woman you still feel an ache when others talk about giving birth or being pregnant or when you see a couple with little cookie cutter babies, which is adorable. However, for some couples like Zach and I those are experiences we will never have, which is ok but there is still a grieving process of realizing you will never experience them. It's hard as a person especially as a couple coming to terms that your childhood dream or life plan needs to be revamped and you need a new dream now. Like I said the post just worded it perfectly so please share it with anyone you think it might help.

Keeping Up

My three little buddies

Kabree, Hanna and Justice

Justice is such a little love bug

Little Miss Personality

Ok so I have to confess a few things. First of all holly cow does life change when I baby comes. My house went from always being clean, tidy and laundry always being done to I'm lucky to get just one done. Also, I'm still having a very hard time wanting to leave Kabree with a babysitter and I've only left her with Zach alone once for 3 hours and I was just one street over at my friends playing Bunco. I know I'm pathetic but I just don't like leaving her. However, that night was great, I was able to dress in clothes I could be seen in public in and have adult conversation, although I must confess I talked about Kabree most of the time anyways : ), but still progress is progress no matter how small it might be. Ok my other confession is WOW two babies and a 4 year old is a little more work then I thought. I love it though and so does Kabree. Well, Kabree loves Hanna, as funny as it sounds she gets jealous of Justice. I know she seems too little for that but no joke if I'm snuggling on Justice Kabree will look at me and gets herself all worked up and mad. Heather thinks it's hilarious. Kabree is little Miss Personality lately, she rolls a hundred miles an hour to where she wants to go and it's usually to Justice to steal a binkie or rough him up a bit, yes my little girl is a bully. So I spend most of the day holding Justice in one arm while Kabree sits in my lap and Hanna holds the books and turns the pages for reading time. As bad as it sounds I have to use my toes for pre-school, I point with my big toe as I explain to Hanna what we are leaning. It seems to be working though. Hanna loves all the talking and reading time and as long as the babies are being held they are happy too. I think Hanna loves the babies nap times the best though cause that's our craft or cooking time, I think she misses the old days of just me and her sometimes : )! I guess what I'm getting at is the day's they come to play nothing else gets done. But time really does fly when they are here and Kabree loves watching Hanna and just smiles at her the whole day. So please forgive me if my house isn't as clean as it use to be, if my baking isn't as often or maybe not even as good, if I no longer answer the phone as quickly or answer texts and if my appearance is a bit lacking I guess I've discovered although some can keep it all together I'm one that has to pick and choose and I feel snuggling or talking with my baby tromps everything else hands down. I've waited too long to experience motherhood and I don't want to miss it. My sister in-law told me "you never know when the last time your child asks you to tie their shoe will be, or when the last time you will help them at bath time will be, so enjoy it while it lasts."

5 Months

I can't believe how fast the last 5 months have flown by, I know I say it every month but I honestly feel like just yesterday we were bringing Kabree home from the hospital but I also can't remember life with out her. Kabree is smiling more and more everyday, getting a picture of it however, is a little difficult. When she smiles she does it with her whole body which causes a blur when taken with a camera. She is growing like a weed, her 3 month clothes are starting to fit a little snug so we will soon be moving into 3-6 month. She loves rolling around on the floor and gets very frustrated when she can't roll back on to her back. She gets it once in a while though. She has learned to scoot around on her tummy and we think that's pretty stinking cute. She's finally starting to get hair!! Ok nothing like Heathers baby Justice or Ads baby Beck but we'll take it. We love her little personality, she is quite the character. When she gets mad or excited she rubs her feet together really fast and they get all red and sweaty, my family teases she is going to start a fire one of these days. She loves watchng other kids play, she loves her cousins and gets a big grin when ever she sees them. I could go on and on as all parents can about all the cute things she does, I just feel so blessed to get to be her Mommy.

Fair, Canning and Jam

Heather and Kabree

Man, it has been a busy couple of weeks. Libby, Katie and Shay all made it to the Blackfoot fair for horse 4-H so we got to go and watch. Kabree loves watching the kids show their horses, she is fascinated by all of the kids and horses and just being outside. Of coarse when you are at the fair you have to buy some scones and fudge and admire all the cool things you wish you could buy. I only took one picture at the fair (I know I'm so bad) and it's of Heather and Kabree, sorry girls I promise aunt Jessi will make up for it. Anyways, I know it's not the best pic either but don't you love Kabree's hat? My friend Shancy made it for her and I get so many complements on it and I personally think she looks pretty stinking cute in it!

Heather went back to work last week : (, she loves her job but was very sad to leave baby Justice with me. I however was very excited to have him all to myself : )! I was a little worried but Kabree has missed having Hanna around and Kabree and Justice love just laying next to each other staring. Hopefully I'm not jinxing myself but it's going really well.

For all of you canners it's that time of year again and my Mom is a crazy canner. She cans TONS of fruit, which we all love but makes for a crazy couple of weeks for her. Mom let Jessica and me help her this week and it was a lot of fun. It's always better to can when you have someone to do it with and my Mom's experties. My Mom is also a perfectionest when it comes to canning, her pears and peaches are all cut perfectly and placed just right in the jar, she would put Martha Stewart to shame. She however, was very patient and let Jessica and I take over this year, she didn't even say a word at our unevenly cut pears, she just smiled. I again didn't atke any pictures but my husband is already enjoying our hard work.

Last but not least I decided to go crazy with the freezer jam this year. I kept stressing I wasn't making enough and then when I was all done I looked at my covered table and realized there is only two of us and that's a lot of jam. Good thing my parents are going to take some : )!

Our Adoption Story

We were asked to share our adoption story with our local FSA group (Families Supporting Adoption), I’m grateful for the opportunity because it got me to sit down and put it on paper. Of course as all adoption stories go there is too much to tell to ever have the “whole” story written down but we hope we can share the parts we feel are most important and closest to our hearts.

We would like to start by first sharing a little about our background. When I was in high school I always knew I wanted to get married right away and start having kids right off. I wanted 5 kids and I wanted them before I was 30. I got married right after high school, just as I had planned but was unable to get pregnant. I really didn’t think much about it until we had been trying for about 2 years. I started getting a little nervous after that because Kevin (my first husband) had a son before we had met so I was sure the problem was with me. Then shortly after deciding to see a doctor Kevin passed away. As most of you know that was a very difficult time for me and at times I never thought I’d make it through it, but that is a different story for another time.

Eventually I gave in to my friends’ persistence and went on several blind dates. All of which led me to Zach. After a very short dating period Zach and I were married in the Logan LDS temple May of 2005. Marrying Zach gave such new hope, Zach made me feel happy again and excited for what the future might hold. We both knew we wanted to have a family and because of my previous experience we decided to start trying right away. After about a year of trying with no luck we decided to see a doctor.

Well to all of you other couples who have got to experience fertility tests and treatments, I ‘m sure you know what I mean when I say it’s an emotional rollercoaster, not to mention some tests and treatments are painful. For the first two years of fertility pills and shots our doctors kept telling us we both had minor problems but nothing that should be keeping us from conceiving. To us this was more frustrating; we just wanted them to figure it out so we could know which direction to go from there. I felt I couldn’t handle all of the “maybe this month” or “I know I’m pregnant this time” or “this time the treatments worked I just know it,” just to be utterly disappointed each month. I remember one month being 3 weeks late and being so excited then the day I decided to take the pregnancy test I passed something. That was a major low for us, I cried all day that day and that’s when we decided to consider adoption. After that adoption was in a lot of our discussions; Kevin had placed his son through LDS and had a very positive experience. We were both very open to adoption just scared of the unknown. We went to LDS Family services to get all of the paper work in January of 2008 and attended the orientation meeting. We hadn’t started filling out any paper work yet but were planning on attending the classes that March.

However, while discussing adoption with my family my niece, whose mother passed away prior, expressed her concerns that if we adopted then what would happen to her if her Dad passed away. We wouldn’t want her and her siblings anymore if we had our own kids. This brought me to a roaring halt. Zach still wanted to just get the paperwork in and was confident that it would all work out. I however, couldn’t bear to cause more concern or heart ache in my 9 year old niece’s life. Don’t get me wrong the whole time I longed for a baby more then anything and cried many nights over it. As many have felt, I felt such a hole in my heart, such a longing for that missing spirit I knew God would some day give us. However, I also felt that God would want me to help the children already in my life deal with their trials first before proceeding with our adoption. That summer was very difficult for me. I tried spending as much time as possible with my both of my brother’s children to keep my mind off of the lack of a child in my own home. It brought me such happiness to spend time with them.

In August of 2008, as selfish as it sounds. I hit a major low when both of my brothers confessed to me they were both dating people very seriously. I started to panic, thinking now I will have no kids in my life, I can’t do this. But then the answer to my desperate prayers, that same niece that had expressed her concerns before came up to me one day and said “I think you guys should adopt, you need a baby, and it’s going to be so cute!” The second the conversation was over I called Zach. We both felt strongly that it was time for us to start filling out our paperwork.

We were very fortunate to get our paperwork and home study done quickly and were approved by the end of September. We really enjoyed the classes and enjoyed getting to meet and know other adoptive couples. We didn’t really start getting anxious again until January when I had some more tests done and our doctor told us that our chances of getting pregnant were now next to impossible due to some medical issues I have. It was good to finally know and move on but it was still hard news to hear, just the news in general but especially the fertility side of it. This made us realize that now the only way we would have a family is if someone else chose us to raise their child. It was such an emotional thing for us, feeling like our entire future now rested in someone else’s hands, someone else we most likely didn’t even know yet. Now someone else might pick us based on our looks or based on our likes or dislikes. I stressed that our collage wasn’t good enough or that our letters didn’t say enough. In February we received a cc e-mail from a girl in the UK who wanted to pick us but was asking if it was even possible where she was from the UK. Zach’s brother Skylar was on his mission in England and he had told the girl about us. This sent me through the roof with excitement but then as the UK law would have, it no one can adopt a baby from the UK that is not a UK citizen. We felt very disappointed and worried that maybe we were supposed to find some way to work this particular adoption out. Then a week later we received another e-mail. This one was from a birth-mother and it was saying how much she loved us and couldn’t wait to meet us and all about her, then at the end of the letter it had a different couples names. We had received another couple’s e-mail by accident. That’s when I started really struggling. I felt that so many crappy things had hit us with in a 3 week period. I felt worried we would never be picked and that never having a baby was just another one of our life trials.

Then Jared (our casework) called us about he first or second week of March and told us that a birthmother had came in and really liked us and would be e-mailing us with in a day or two so keep checking. After a week of nothing we called Jared to see if she had chosen another couple. He said no that we were pretty much the only one she wanted and he was surprised too. This made me feel even worse because then I started playing games with myself. I decided she didn’t choose us because we didn’t look right or because we didn’t have good enough interests. Once again I was very discouraged.

Let me add right here that my poor family and friends got text and phone calls every time one of these things happened. One saying “we got contacted, I’m so excited” Just too then send them one saying “never mind.” Like I said I was very discouraged.

Just about this time I had a friend (Shancy, I owe you one : ) tell me about a book her sister had read by one of the General Authorities about how families can create their own miracles. Zach and I decided to try it for ourselves the next week on March 18^th. We asked all of our family to start our fast with a prayer at the same time. We then asked who ever could go with us to attend the temple with us. Those of us who could go ended our fast in prayer together and we had those who were unable to attend end their fast at about the same time. It was such a wonderful experience, we had fasted for the same thing together but there was something about starting and ending it all at the same time no matter where you were. It was so powerful to know that while we were in Idaho Falls praying our family was somewhere doing the same thing. We felt the spirit so strong that night and knew that it would all work out.

March 26^th, 2009, we got a call from Jared at 4:30 telling us we needed to be to their office by a quarter to. I laughed and then realized he was serious. He said that the birthmother he had called us about before had written us a letter. I was so excited I had to call someone so I tried my parents – no answer, I tired Heather – no answer I tried Wendy- no answer, you’ve got to be kidding me. So I tired Tory – who answered! I was so excited, talking a hundred miles an hour he probably didn’t have a clue what I had said. When we got to family services the caseworkers both Andrew and Jared sat us down, they then handed Zach a letter from the birthmother and had him read it out loud. I felt like I was on the verge of tears the whole time. After Zach was done Andrew asked us how we felt and I started crying. I was so overwhelmed with emotion; I felt like all of my prayers for the last 9 years had finally been answered, this girl was my answer. I was so happy for Zach and I but then my heart broke for this girl that poured her heart into this letter and whose heart ache was bringing us happiness.

April 6, 2009 we got to meet Spencer and Keri, face to face, up until then we had only had contact through letters. We were so nervous, we felt like our fate was entirely in someone else’s hands. We felt such love already for Keri, she poured her heart out into her letters and though we tried we couldn’t imagine the emotions and heart ache she must have felt. But on our side, now that having a baby felt so with in reach, I found myself sick with fear. I worried that they would change their mind. I was so emotional, on the verge of tears every moment. It might sound cheesy but I would go in the baby’s room and sit in the rocker, closing my eyes and trying to imagine holding her and what we would call her. I couldn’t explain how badly I wanted this little girl to be mine but yet part of me tried to keep its distance. We were so nervous, we felt like so much rode on this one meeting, this one introduction to someone we would other wise probably never meet.

We were so nervous but once they walked in it all melted away. The connection was almost instant. They were both so open and honest; we all had so much in common. Sometimes we almost forgot there were caseworkers in the room. It was so weird because we were able to express the most personal emotions with them and them with us and we had only just met.

We kept in contact through letters up until Aril 15 at 7 p.m. when Keri went into labor. We were very blessed to be given the opportunity to go up to the hospital. We waited in the waiting room during the c-section until Spencer brought Kabree to us, so that we could go up to the nursery with her. It was such a spiritual feeling words could never express the emotions we had that night. We bonded even more with our birthparents and were able to be apart of our beautiful little girls first moments of life. Words could never express how amazing it was to be in a room that night with the two most unselfish people we know and to take turns holding our little girl. We were very fortunate to be able to go to the hospital everyday to visit Keri and Kabree. We were even able to meet Keri’s Mom, younger brother and Grandparents. Also, we were able to meet their little girl Paedyn, Kabree’s sister. We were very grateful to get to know Keri even more and to gain an even closer bond with her.

Placement was again such an emotional but amazing time. It was emotional because we all shared our feeling with each other and because our birthparents had to officially hand Kabree to us. Our hearts broke for them and their sacrifice but we were also very excited to officially have Kabree in our arms. That night was everything we had hoped for, we just wanted to cuddle and stare at her all night long and we pretty much did for the next 4 days. It was so amazing to us how we instantly felt that she was ours and that it was all so meant to be.

After we placed we realized that openness wasn’t nearly as scary as we had once thought and that they weren’t just some random people, they were our friends, part of our family. They have given us the most amazing opportunity and given us such joy that we truly do feel no other two people could have given us. They are two of the most amazing most unselfish people we have ever met. They did something that was so hard for them and caused them such heart ache, but they did it all because they loved their baby so much they wanted her to have more then they could give her right now. Until we were placed with Kabree we never truly understood the slogan “it’s about love.” I think most people don’t truly appreciate the sacrifice that the birthparents go through because of their love. We feel so fortunate to be blessed with such great birthparents that have expressed to us how they are glad they could give us such happiness and help us make our family. They too have expressed how they feel it was all meant to be and there really are no words to describe why or how it feels that way.

Adoption has blessed our lives more then we ever could have imagined. Kabree has brought us such joy, we truly do feel that Kabree was always meant to be with us and that God blessed us with Spencer and Keri to be our way. We are excited to be finalized and to be sealed as a family. Someday we might decide to adopt again but for now we feel that our hearts are full and our family is just as it should be. Again adoption has blessed us in so many ways, it has given us the opportunity to be a family and experience the joys of parenthood. It has introduced us to so many new people and new experiences. We have learned so much more about adoption and realized that it helps all involved and blesses everyone. We also feel we have gained life long friends through our birthparents and love the special bond that we all share.